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How am I doing?
Jan. 6th, 2015 02:57 pmToday it's exactly two weeks ago that I underwent the curettage. It feels like it has been much longer but I was crudely reminded by my body that I am still recovering. Sudden flow and all that.
Emotionally I am exhausted. It hurts. It still hurts. When I try to imagine how much it must hurt for people who lost their baby after nine months, or six months, it makes me incredible sad. We are going to try again but now I am afraid that something will go wrong again. The emtoions come and go and my way of dealing with things is a healthy mix of sharing and talking with E, and focussing on some short term goal to divert attention. I am back at work and that helps too.
Physically there are occasionally cramps and bloodflow. My pregnancy hormones are residing and I feel energetic again. My body feels tighter, if that makes sense. More solid. Like I was turning into goo and I am turning back into hardwood. I knew that I was tired in the past three months but with the contrast of my current energy level I can say that it is a world of difference.
Tonight I am going to ballet for the first time in five weeks and I am very excited about that. E and I talked about priorities and I decided that I won't take ballet after the summer holiday. Since the move, it is a 45 minute drive by bicycle and that is too far for comfort. On another note, teaching bellydance classes is also 40 minutes away by bike, but I am still motivated to continue teaching at that location.
E and I are making plans for 2015 and we are probably going to get some upgrades for the house. We're talking expensive upgrades, like a dormer (13-15k) or a conservatory (20k). I am voting for taking more time and saving up, so we can afford to have a basement installed under the future conservatory (12-15k). A basement that could be used as a music and dance studio! Houses in the Netherland are solid build brick and once you put your money into an upgrade, the option to demolish it and start over is gone.
Thinking about projects and such is a good way to ease the pain. I hope that the flow will stop, as it is supposed to stop in about two weeks after the procedure. I have a chek-up next week and I am hoping that the obgyn gives me the green light to do all normal things again.
Emotionally I am exhausted. It hurts. It still hurts. When I try to imagine how much it must hurt for people who lost their baby after nine months, or six months, it makes me incredible sad. We are going to try again but now I am afraid that something will go wrong again. The emtoions come and go and my way of dealing with things is a healthy mix of sharing and talking with E, and focussing on some short term goal to divert attention. I am back at work and that helps too.
Physically there are occasionally cramps and bloodflow. My pregnancy hormones are residing and I feel energetic again. My body feels tighter, if that makes sense. More solid. Like I was turning into goo and I am turning back into hardwood. I knew that I was tired in the past three months but with the contrast of my current energy level I can say that it is a world of difference.
Tonight I am going to ballet for the first time in five weeks and I am very excited about that. E and I talked about priorities and I decided that I won't take ballet after the summer holiday. Since the move, it is a 45 minute drive by bicycle and that is too far for comfort. On another note, teaching bellydance classes is also 40 minutes away by bike, but I am still motivated to continue teaching at that location.
E and I are making plans for 2015 and we are probably going to get some upgrades for the house. We're talking expensive upgrades, like a dormer (13-15k) or a conservatory (20k). I am voting for taking more time and saving up, so we can afford to have a basement installed under the future conservatory (12-15k). A basement that could be used as a music and dance studio! Houses in the Netherland are solid build brick and once you put your money into an upgrade, the option to demolish it and start over is gone.
Thinking about projects and such is a good way to ease the pain. I hope that the flow will stop, as it is supposed to stop in about two weeks after the procedure. I have a chek-up next week and I am hoping that the obgyn gives me the green light to do all normal things again.
