Kyria's journal

 I watched some Ted talks about health and sugar, and decided to give up sugar for a week. Like, a week is manageable, right? 

Day two so far and I have had a sugar withdrawal headache yesterday and today. This is bad. I'm costuming to take my mind of things and drinking lots of water, hope that it will reside in the next couple of days. I am such a sugar addict. Plus it is incredible hard to buy stuff without added sugar. Managed so far, I swapped my usual lunch with sandwiches to a bowl of home made vegetable soup so no carbs in there either. Eating my regular breakfast (oatmeal porridge with a bit of fruit) and dinner, snacks are fruit, vegetables and almonds if needed. So far, so good. 

Last week I was home with the flu, and this week I am returning to a nearly empty building. No students, most of my coworkers are on holiday. In short, it's summer at the university!. This allows me to catch up with certain tasks and then get some preparation done for my next semester of classes. Plus I am teaching a workshop 'bellydance during pregnancy' on Sunday the 31th to two ladies and it's the first time that I am teaching it to non bellydancers. I need to go over my material and add stuff. Ideally, when the home studio is done, I'd be able to offer this workshop and maybe short courses on a regular base. It would be interesting to reach mostly non-bellydancers. I will do my best to make them go 'I really like to keep on dancing, this is so much fun!'.

Eliza is a bit bothered by the heat (it's between 25-30 degrees celcius). She has trouble sleeping, I ended up taking her sleeping bag off and putting her in her bed covered in a loosely woven cotton cloth. She then promptly slept between 23.45-05.45. Huzzah! We are slowly getting closer to her sleeping through the night. She has some mosquito bites that look really uncomfortable, Eduard is making screens for the windows to keep mosquito's out. I fervently hate mosquito's (who doesn't) and I have a hard time falling asleep if there's still something in the dark buzzing around.

Health wise I am trying to cut down on snacks. Due to breastfeeding, I have been snacking a lot in the past eight months and it is a habit that has to stop. I haven't gained weight because the extra energy is going into making milk, but it is unhealthy for my body plus Eliza is drinking less and will sooner or later stop drinking altogether. So far, so good: it's been roughly one and a half week and it is doable. I am still eating cookies or chocolate, but I stop at one portion. As compensation I eat more vegetables and fruit during the day to keep me feeling full. After a couple of days, my body started to send me hunger signals at mealtimes again. It is good to feel this again, instead of eating all the time and not feeling much difference between before and after eating.

Eduard is teaching a private class in hunting horn to a man who works with biological produce. Instead of paying in cash, he pays with whatever is available that week. Yesterday we ate garden beans, he brought some biological apple/pear juice and I've experimented with beets. Eduard would love to try and go all organic, with the meat being provided from the hunt and the vegetables and fruit from our kitchen garden. That's not really an option as we don't spend enough time on both activities to create enough to sustain us. But this option with receiving biological vegetables and fruit plus Eduard going hunting once a week and bringing home the geese is a nice middle way. I can now identify five different types of geese plus I am getting more and more creative with vegetables and fruit that are uncommon in the super market. It is fun to work with food in this way.

We started to clear out the garden in anticipation of planning permission. We have a stack of wood that Eduard moved to the other side of the garden and on Monday night we lighted a campfire to burn the smaller twigs and branches plus wood that is unsuitable for burning inside. Eliza went to sleep around 21.30 so we had an hour of sitting outside, roasting marshmallows, singing campfire songs and huddling on a woolen blanket. Noushka was a bit weirded out but ended up huddling with us so it was all very cosy and nice. As we're not going on holiday, we're going to make the most of our house and garden while we can.

While browsing the baby store I found this book called "I'd really like to eat a child'. It's about a little crocodile who wants to eat a child, while his mother is giving him fruit and vegetables.


As Eliza has recently started teething, I am for now calling her my little crocodile :-) She has one lower center tooth, and the incisors on the lower yaw are breaking through. It makes her irritable, she drools a lot and she sometimes has to cry because it hurts. Inbetween she is still her happy, smiley, wriggly self. The consultation office told me that yes, she is moving quite a lot. She is quite strong in her arms and legs, rolling over can happen any day now. As I can relate to moving a lot, I find it good news. It probably means that we'll have to go outside for playing games, walks, dancing around the living room. It's good because those are the kind of activities I enjoy too.

CB also had doubts about her hips so we are going to the local children's hospital for an ultrasound. If she needs correction, she has to wear a special cast for a large amount of the day. I am hoping that the resistant that the pediatrician felt is coming from her muscle strength, not because her hips need correction. Eliza also got her third round of vaccinations, which made her fussy between 16.00-19.00 and made her fall in a deep sleep around 21.00. I got home at 22.00 after teaching, and got to sleep between 23.00-04.50. Woohoo!! It's probably only this one time, but it feels great to be slightly more rested.

She is now 63,5 cm long and weighs 6280 grams. According to the curve, she is slightly below but this is to be expected as she is still breastfeeding. Turns out breast fed babies are a bit lighter at this stage, and they catch up once they eat more solids. Which brings me to...

Her first bite of solid food! We got the green light to play around with bits of fruit and vegetables to get her used to new tastes. Try one item for three days in a row to let her get used to the taste, for one time during the day (not right before feeding her). Yesterday she ate broccoli and she was a bit meh about it. We'll try carrot next, as it is a sweeter vegetable it usually goes over well. I can't believe how fast she's growing. Parenting is demanding, scary and exhausting but overall, I feel we're doing pretty well. Probably because I am very good at not caring about a clean house. We try to stay on top of the dishes, I'm in charge of the laundry and we both make sure there is plenty of healthy food in the pantry. I want the house to be a nice place to live in, plus with Noushka running around we have plenty of hair and dirt every day coming in. We vacuum twice a week and call it good enough. Eduard I better at vacuuming and cleaning, thank god we have a small kitchen and bathroom so we usually clean up at the end of the day. It takes about twenty minutes to get everything back in it's place and the counter and furnace wiped clean and were ready for the next day.

The more Eliza is eating, the more food will get spilled on the floor/wall/table/everywhere. We're expecting Noushka to get really fond of Eliza during meal time on account of throwing food her way.

Today it's exactly two weeks ago that I underwent the curettage. It feels like it has been much longer but I was crudely reminded by my body that I am still recovering. Sudden flow and all that.

Emotionally I am exhausted. It hurts. It still hurts. When I try to imagine how much it must hurt for people who lost their baby after nine months, or six months, it makes me incredible sad. We are going to try again but now I am afraid that something will go wrong again. The emtoions come and go and my way of dealing with things is a healthy mix of sharing and talking with E, and focussing on some short term goal to divert attention. I am back at work and that helps too.

Physically there are occasionally cramps and bloodflow. My pregnancy hormones are residing and I feel energetic again. My body feels tighter, if that makes sense. More solid. Like I was turning into goo and I am turning back into hardwood. I knew that I was tired in the past three months but with the contrast of my current energy level I can say that it is a world of difference.

Tonight I am going to ballet for the first time in five weeks and I am very excited about that. E and I talked about priorities and I decided that I won't take ballet after the summer holiday. Since the move, it is a 45 minute drive by bicycle and that is too far for comfort. On another note, teaching bellydance classes is also 40 minutes away by bike, but I am still motivated to continue teaching at that location.

E and I are making plans for 2015 and we are probably going to get some upgrades for the house. We're talking expensive upgrades, like a dormer (13-15k) or a conservatory (20k). I am voting for taking more time and saving up, so we can afford to have a basement installed under the future conservatory (12-15k). A basement that could be used as a music and dance studio! Houses in the Netherland are solid build brick and once you put your money into an upgrade, the option to demolish it and start over is gone.

Thinking about projects and such is a good way to ease the pain. I hope that the flow will stop, as it is supposed to stop in about two weeks after the procedure. I have a chek-up next week and I am hoping that the obgyn gives me the green light to do all normal things again.

On Thursday I called the obgyn because waiting for the flow to start by itself was wearing me out emotionally. The quickest intake they could arrange was on Monday morning.

I had not lost a single drop of blood untill the procedure and that was something that I found weird. I thought my body would at a certain point realize that there was no heartbeat but it kept on trying. For the intake on Monday we stopped by the office of the midwife for my file, which I read in the car and then started crying again. They quite accurately described our points of contacts and it was sad and confronting to see it black on white.

E dropped me off at the hospital but unfortunately couldn't come with me because we had no one to take careo f the dog. We can't leave her alone (yet). Instead he stayed outside and I called him during the meetings.

I went to service window M to subscribe myself at the hospital. Followed by service window E for meeting the obgyn during the emergency hour. She was very nice and understanding. She did an internal echo to confirm that there was no heartbeat and taked me through the three options. went with the curettage, the heaviest option because it has the highest succes rate and I was very worried about complications of the natural proces started with medication. The earliest they could schedule me was on Wednesday morning.

Down to servicewindow B to get an appointment for pre operation, and to servicewindow L to get bloodwork done. On Tuesday I had to get back for the pre-op intake (the procedure is with complete narcose) and meet with the apotheker and the anesthesist. All was well as I am overall in good health.

We had some diversion during the rest of the days because I invited friends over for dinner. It gave me a reason to think about groceries, cooking and preparing our home. As it was, all women that visited us in the last two days were in various stages of pregnancy. I didn't find it confronting though there were times E and I would grow quiet.

This morning we got up at six, got to the hospital at seven where I was prepped at seven thirty and wheeled away in a hospital bed at seven thirty five. I felt scared but in safe hands, as everyone was really nice and taking care of me despite the obvious time pressure in the hospital. This was, ofcourse, at a different part of the hospital for short term care. I cried a bit waiting for the anesthesia as there was an adorable little girl next to me who was also waiting. She and her dad were adorable together.

When I was wheeled into the operating room I was intimidated by the many instruments, the obgyn gave me a hand, checked if I was the right person and explained a bit about the procedure. Anesthesia hit me straight out and next thing I knew I woke up in yet again a different part of the building.

They then brought me back to the recovery room where I ate something and promptly fell asleep (the nurse was strickt and asked E to leave so I would sleep). I woke around twelve o clock, had a sandwich and was allowed to leave. My stomach was hurting like a menstruation cramps and I was flowing heavily but I was otherwise fine. Very relieved that it was over. E is taking good care of me and I spent most of the day sleeping the anesthesia off.

During the past couple of days, I haven't once wondered about the cost and whether it is covered by my insurance. I think it is covered, after deduction of the 'own risk' cost of 250 euro. I can imagine that in countries with no basic healthcare program women can't afford this procedure and it makes me sad and angry.

1. my classes started and I have two lovely groups of ladies. I scared the shit out of my intermediates yesterday with the 8 minute shimmy drill. My beginners class has two return students + two people who dropped by because of worth of mouth. I am a happy camper. Bellydance 1 is doing a choreography to Fakerni by Haifa Wehbe. I chose to do a more theatrical style with less repetition, as it appeals better to the creative nature of some students. Last semester had a choreography that relied on symmetry and counting, this one is more about musical interpretation.

Bellydance 2 is getting a drills/improv thing, meaning we work on drills for a saaidi choreography for the 6th of april performance, and on improvisation with Aziza (the song, not the dancer). It is an easy song to recognize the structure and I feel it is a good way to usher my students towards classis BD songs.

2. running! The Netherlands had the whole snow and ice thing going on, off and on during the last couple of weeks. I got a bit out of practice with regards to running but I was reminded today that I will be doing the CPC run at the start of March (yes, in three weeks). I upped the ante and went with 10k instead of 5k, as I usually run 7-8k for practice. Those extra k's will be heavy, but I run for my company and we have our private changing area and a sportmasseuse. Meaning I can drop on the floor of our pavilion afterwards and do my yoga stretches and all will be well. And if I don't recover on Sunday I have a good excuse to call in sick on Monday :-)

3.ballet. due to work I missed the last three classes. Eep! I look forward to getting back in class next week. My turns are getting better and so is my core strength, so that is good. If I could get back into running my flexibility would greatly benefit, nothing beats stretching after a good run for improved range of motion.

4. badminton. Also missed several classes int he past couple of weeks due to work. It is not a priority but I hope that I can make it to at least two sessions per month. I am getting better at foot placement and strategy, but I don't play often enough to ingrain the patterns for shuttle placement that I need. *shrugs* It is fun though.

5. horseback riding: also missed classes here but I went last thursday and had a blast. Things are solidifying into my system, I hve a better sit (meaning better balance on a horse) and I use the tension on my stirrups better. When the weather gets better I want to  do a 2 hour ride outside once a month, I imagine that will be lovely.

6. my own BD practice: I have several practice sessions planned in the next months with various groups: expanding our repertoire with FaKyMa, rehearsing with the LAT project (30th of march Groningen, april 5thin Amsterdam) and Sense of Bellydance (hafla on april 6th). My fancy has been tickled by the online classes from Datura and Raqstv, but I told myself I should start with the dvds in  my closet first. I am once more trying to do a dvd this month, I have to keep up with my flisties on the dvd challenge.

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We haven't seen the sun long enough to remember what it looks like this summer, and it seems the fall downpour is already upon us. Thunder and lightning are fighting over airtime and I feel sad about the summer that never was.