Things I don't have vs. things I have
Oct. 15th, 2012 02:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mekyriaI revisited a post that I made way, way back and that I can't find anymore. In short, this post is inspired by someone who gave me the 'advice' to buy a house in stead of rent. Because, you know, it's not as if that is a major decision or anything with big consequences. It got me thinking about our differences in how we view the world, and where they are coming from. I'll try not to rant or ramble too much.
There are many, many things that are a given for most people that I don't have. With regards to owning things (that's what got this post started) I don't own or have ever owned a house, a fridge, a VCR, a car, a dryer, a garden or a dishwashing machine. It seems that these things magically appear when you become an adult, or at least people expect that at some point you aquire these items. I haven't done that and I'm fine.
DON'T TELL ME TO OWN MORE STUFF
I have a hard enough time managing all the other stuff I already own, thank you very much. It also one of the reasons why I don't watch telly or read magazines. The ads always tell me I should buy stuff or change myself and I hate that. I do have a house that I call my home (I just don't own it) and I try to keep it free from items that I don't need. Owning less stuff makes me a happier person. It also makes the stuff that I do own more valuable.
People
In addition to the many, many items that I don't own, I also don't have a partner, children, pets, a warm relationship with my father and Big Brother. Once more, people assume that this makes me a sad and lonely person. It doesn't.
DON'T PITY ME BECAUSE I DON'T FIT INTO YOUR IDEA OF WHAT MY SOCIAL LIFE SHOULD LOOK LIKE
I have many wonderful friends, dance sisters, an amazing mother, a Little Brother who is hilarious and generous in loving me, my online friends who share their life with me through their journals (yes, that's you!). I am blessed with so many people who love me in conventional and unconventional ways, that I often wonder what I did to deserve them. Feeling loved, appreciated and accepted makes me happy. I would love to have a family of my own, but not having one doesn't mean I'm a failure in life.
My position in society
This is going to sound obvious but I'll state it because it is easy to forget the impact on how we are treated in society.
I DON'T HAVE A PENIS (so does half of the world population)
I LOOK ASIAN BUT LIVE IN A CAUCASIAN COUNTRY (join the club, multicultural society and such)
Because of these facts, people treat me in the way they are used to treat (Asian) women. When I go to an electronics shop with Little Brother, the salesperson will talk to him, not me. When I go to the hardware store, random strangers (ahum *men*) will start giving me unsollicited advice. When I am dating, I have to find out if someone likes me because I look exotic, or because they like me as a person. I grew up without Asian female rolemodels from television or books. My first rolemodel was Pocahontas, a fictional character from North America, because the Disney movie made her look Asian and it was the first time I saw someone who looked like me. No wonder that I turned out to be a singing, dancing belly dance princess. If only I had a comic relieve pet at my side to lighten the mood.
Kidding aside, it has its upside too. I like being a women, even if it means I have to work harder and tell the friendly man in the hardware store 'thank you for your rcommendation, I'll take it from here'. Hey, I get to kick ass while wearing a skirt and heels and the Asian thing gives me an edge.
Achievements
I'm 31 and haven't achieved the following (and frankly I'm doubting if I ever will achieve these things): a Pulitzer Prize, the Nobel Prize, running a marathon, climbing a mountain, a pilgrimage, reaching enlightenment and/or inner peace, curing world hunger, facilitating world peace, become a super model, ballet dancer, world renowned writer, leading expert in an Academic field.
DON'T TELL ME TO STOP DREAMING
I am a realistic person and I know that I only have one life to live. I did manage to: write a book on costuming, finish two university degrees, work full-time in an office environment (four years now and counting. I thought I'd last two months before going crazy), learned a bit about sailing, learned scubadiving, I have mean seamstress/designer skills, am a talented and skillfull belly dancer, can play the violin, play zils, write entertaining blogs and in depth articles, write policies, build websites in HTML, CSS, using Wordpress and Joomla, design flyers/websites/business cards, draw, paint, sing, laugh, love.
Everything I achieved so far has been great and it is far more than I hoped or dreamed for. I am pretty sure that the next decades will be a hoot so don't rain on my parade by telling me to stop dreaming. Sure, if I started at an early age with ballet I might have become a dancer as a full time profession. Or I might have burned out my love for the dance and be rejected once I hit puberty for being the wrong body type, or damaging my knees, or.... Why put time and energy in my weekly ballet classes if I will never become a ballerina? Because I enjoy it. It makes me happy.
I am confident that I will always come up with more things that I want to learn or experience, and that I will probably die having not done many of those things. My time is finite and my hunger for a challenge is bigger that one lifetime. I feel blessed for being healthy, resourceful and creative. I also do not acknowledge that my age implies I should stop being an aspiring artist. I am never too old to aspire anything.
There you have it. Accept my choice to do things my way. Accept that people can be happy without owning a house, without a conventional relationship and with having a dream in their heart that you might find slightly ridiculous and childish. Maybe you are slightly envious because I am happy with who I am and where I am in life, or you are projecting your own discomfort or unhappiness on me. Don't. Life is too short.
Live long and prosper!
There are many, many things that are a given for most people that I don't have. With regards to owning things (that's what got this post started) I don't own or have ever owned a house, a fridge, a VCR, a car, a dryer, a garden or a dishwashing machine. It seems that these things magically appear when you become an adult, or at least people expect that at some point you aquire these items. I haven't done that and I'm fine.
DON'T TELL ME TO OWN MORE STUFF
I have a hard enough time managing all the other stuff I already own, thank you very much. It also one of the reasons why I don't watch telly or read magazines. The ads always tell me I should buy stuff or change myself and I hate that. I do have a house that I call my home (I just don't own it) and I try to keep it free from items that I don't need. Owning less stuff makes me a happier person. It also makes the stuff that I do own more valuable.
People
In addition to the many, many items that I don't own, I also don't have a partner, children, pets, a warm relationship with my father and Big Brother. Once more, people assume that this makes me a sad and lonely person. It doesn't.
DON'T PITY ME BECAUSE I DON'T FIT INTO YOUR IDEA OF WHAT MY SOCIAL LIFE SHOULD LOOK LIKE
I have many wonderful friends, dance sisters, an amazing mother, a Little Brother who is hilarious and generous in loving me, my online friends who share their life with me through their journals (yes, that's you!). I am blessed with so many people who love me in conventional and unconventional ways, that I often wonder what I did to deserve them. Feeling loved, appreciated and accepted makes me happy. I would love to have a family of my own, but not having one doesn't mean I'm a failure in life.
My position in society
This is going to sound obvious but I'll state it because it is easy to forget the impact on how we are treated in society.
I DON'T HAVE A PENIS (so does half of the world population)
I LOOK ASIAN BUT LIVE IN A CAUCASIAN COUNTRY (join the club, multicultural society and such)
Because of these facts, people treat me in the way they are used to treat (Asian) women. When I go to an electronics shop with Little Brother, the salesperson will talk to him, not me. When I go to the hardware store, random strangers (ahum *men*) will start giving me unsollicited advice. When I am dating, I have to find out if someone likes me because I look exotic, or because they like me as a person. I grew up without Asian female rolemodels from television or books. My first rolemodel was Pocahontas, a fictional character from North America, because the Disney movie made her look Asian and it was the first time I saw someone who looked like me. No wonder that I turned out to be a singing, dancing belly dance princess. If only I had a comic relieve pet at my side to lighten the mood.
Kidding aside, it has its upside too. I like being a women, even if it means I have to work harder and tell the friendly man in the hardware store 'thank you for your rcommendation, I'll take it from here'. Hey, I get to kick ass while wearing a skirt and heels and the Asian thing gives me an edge.
Achievements
I'm 31 and haven't achieved the following (and frankly I'm doubting if I ever will achieve these things): a Pulitzer Prize, the Nobel Prize, running a marathon, climbing a mountain, a pilgrimage, reaching enlightenment and/or inner peace, curing world hunger, facilitating world peace, become a super model, ballet dancer, world renowned writer, leading expert in an Academic field.
DON'T TELL ME TO STOP DREAMING
I am a realistic person and I know that I only have one life to live. I did manage to: write a book on costuming, finish two university degrees, work full-time in an office environment (four years now and counting. I thought I'd last two months before going crazy), learned a bit about sailing, learned scubadiving, I have mean seamstress/designer skills, am a talented and skillfull belly dancer, can play the violin, play zils, write entertaining blogs and in depth articles, write policies, build websites in HTML, CSS, using Wordpress and Joomla, design flyers/websites/business cards, draw, paint, sing, laugh, love.
Everything I achieved so far has been great and it is far more than I hoped or dreamed for. I am pretty sure that the next decades will be a hoot so don't rain on my parade by telling me to stop dreaming. Sure, if I started at an early age with ballet I might have become a dancer as a full time profession. Or I might have burned out my love for the dance and be rejected once I hit puberty for being the wrong body type, or damaging my knees, or.... Why put time and energy in my weekly ballet classes if I will never become a ballerina? Because I enjoy it. It makes me happy.
I am confident that I will always come up with more things that I want to learn or experience, and that I will probably die having not done many of those things. My time is finite and my hunger for a challenge is bigger that one lifetime. I feel blessed for being healthy, resourceful and creative. I also do not acknowledge that my age implies I should stop being an aspiring artist. I am never too old to aspire anything.
There you have it. Accept my choice to do things my way. Accept that people can be happy without owning a house, without a conventional relationship and with having a dream in their heart that you might find slightly ridiculous and childish. Maybe you are slightly envious because I am happy with who I am and where I am in life, or you are projecting your own discomfort or unhappiness on me. Don't. Life is too short.
Live long and prosper!
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no subject
Date: 2012-10-15 05:43 pm (UTC)I often feel many of the things you listed there; I have also not achieved the stuff on your list. Especially with following current celebrity crush Chris Colfer around online who's only 22 and has done all of these amazing things already, I really feel like a big time loser sometimes.
But hey - JK Rowling didn't write HP until she was in her 40s! And look at her now :) And there are so many other examples.
And then there's also achievement to be found in stuff that YOU manage that other people might not slap a prize label on. (a huge achievement for me, for example, is actually making smalltalk in a foreign language on a daily basis- no one thought I could do it, not even myself; or getting a new job after my burn-out > stuff that I have aspired to and achieved).
In other words - set your own goals and go get 'em! :D